I used to deal with bouts of insomnia. By bouts I mean, from about 1993 to 2007 and from last week to this week. When I was in third grade, I remember staying awake all night thinking about things like gender inequity and tapping rhythms with my finger nails on my dresser to pass the time. In junior high, I listened to "Night Flight" on my Walkman, followed by the really bad overnight radio DJ's. In high school I counted my change, rocked out to Third Eye Blind and tried (very unsuccessfully) to write screen plays while I waited for the rest of my world to wake up. Alarm clocks, removal of my covers, yelling and florescent lights were no match to the depth of slumber I would slip into, just before dawn. In college, it was not a problem.... well, it was not an uncommon problem I guess. After college... a problem again.
Finally a few years ago, I developed a relaxation routine, combining everything I knew about rhythmic breathing, muscle relaxation, calming imagery and sleep cycles and I said farewell to my sleepless nights and comatose mornings... until... the last several days. I feel I have been reunited with an old friend, except not in a good way. I have been struck by the familiarity of the tossing and turning and turning again, and getting up, and pacing, and thinking about not thinking, and trying to relax, and trying to get comfortable, and not being comfortable (at all). I had forgotten the sound of multiple ticking clocks and the feeling of time slipping away, yet standing still. Even my relaxation routines are failing me. Our precious little fetus-baby has been waking me up at 2:30a.m. on the dot and keeping me awake till about 6- when I finally slip into a deeeeeep sleep. My alarm begins sounding at 6:30, but I don't even notice till around 7:30...when I should be leaving for work.
I'm exhausted, irritable, swollen and my tummy hurts- really bad today. Pregnancy... you don't amuse me.
This happened to me a couple weeks before giving birth (10 days early-surprise!). I researched it online, chalked it up as "nesting" and tried to enjoy my last weeks of being my own person. I do hope you can get some sleep though. I'll say a prayer for you. = )
ReplyDeleteI just laughed out loud when a remembered waking up one night to the sound of you counting change and singing along to your walkman... I barged into your room, ripped off your headphones, and told you to be quiet. I think I scared you half to death that night. I obviously didn't understand the problem at all.
ReplyDeletePraying for rest for you... So sorry this has been such a difficult pregnancy but I'm excited to meet the new little one. Hopefully sooner than later for your sake!
i was going to say, i remember rachel REALLY enjoying having a room so "sound proof" and close to yours growing up. hahaha. i also remember holding your arms straight up in the air for as long as you can, or running in place then getting in bed hoping you'd be tired from exercise. ;)
ReplyDeleteRachel W. - Very interesting... I'd be okay with that (10 days early). Hey, I bought liquid chlorphyll upon your suggestion and I have most of the bottle left (it didn't work for me, but it was worth a try)... would you like to have it? Hopefully you are feeling well and don't need it!
ReplyDeleteRachel H. Hahaha... oh yes, I remember that night. It didn't help that you came thru a dark closet to attack me! I think I yelled quite loud.
Amy- I don't know how you know about that- or how you remember that- but thanks for reminding me about the arm trick :)
For the record- I did sleep better last night. Thanks for the prayers!
well, we did spend a LOT of time together in high school. i heard a lot of stories during art class especially. ;)
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